Gradual habituation is definitely a hard task. I've given up my life to exposure. It seems my sallow flesh is revelling in the momentary coup d'etat of anxiety. I've sat through an attack. I've made it through an attack! Although, the ebbing away of incessant fear has had another more consequential implication; I am rapidly drifting away from friends. My old feelings of pandering to the emotional fall-outs of friendships has diminished. My gradual emancipation has left me reeling at the thought of falling victim to anymore emotional sycophancy - "But he-he-he-told her..." - endless in its monotony. I can no longer pretend to cower at the prospect of independence and the freedom to assemble my life. My hope is that there can still be a means of understanding in close friendships. Jealousy and grovelling doesn't sit well with me; especially when things have expired beyond any poignant capacity.
My stomach feels nauseous and my head is throbbing, but I do feel the strength to continue past this point. Let it snow.
No comments:
Post a Comment